..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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