69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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