I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So drunk its hurt
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
