It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
