I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
operation harelip BJ is a go
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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