That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
