I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
