Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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