I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
