I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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