Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
