So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
