I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
