Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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