Where is the hickey?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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