You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
