I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
