Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
