I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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