I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
