Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
