he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize