I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
