omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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