Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
