im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Is this like a preordered booty call?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize