he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Randomize
