they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize