she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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