well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
