Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
