I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
