What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize