i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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