There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
