I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
