Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
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