Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
