we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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