your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
