Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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