So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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