I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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