dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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