Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
i now understand why vodka
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
