@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
