I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
