That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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