you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
