sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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