yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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