I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
