I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He kissed a someone with a penis
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
