i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
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