I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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