overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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