dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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