I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
