It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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