i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
