I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
