Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
