Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
