dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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