Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
