No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
