Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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