he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
