Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
