So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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