Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You can't just leave with hair like that
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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