I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
